When You're Over 50...

• Kidnappers are not very interested in you.

• In a hostage situation you are likely to be released first.

• No one expects you to run into a burning building.

• People call at 9 p.m. and ask, "Did I wake you?"

• People no longer view you as a hypochondriac.

• There's nothing left to learn the hard way.

• Things you buy now won't wear out.

• You can eat dinner at 4 p.m.

• You can live without sex (but not without glasses).

• You enjoy hearing about other people's operations.

• You get into a heated argument about pension plans.

• You have a party and the neighbors don't even realize it.

• You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.

• You quit trying to hold your stomach in, no matter who walks into the room.

• You sing along with the elevator music.

• Your eyes won't get much worse.

• Your investment in health insurance is finally beginning to pay off.

• Your joints are more accurate meteorologists than the National Weather Service.

• Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can't remember them either.

• Your supply of brain cells is finally down to a manageable size.

• You can't remember who sent you this.

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Last modified: July 08, 2003

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